Photo: ombites
My blogging time has become a lot less frequent because of my nutritional studies, not enough hours in the day, but I feel like I need to get some thoughts down and catch up on my favourite reads.
I completed a level 3, five day Urban Remedy Cleanse juice detox the past week and I feel amazing both mentally and physically (yoga dysmorphia aside). My skin has never been better, my mind is sharper, I don't feel hungry with less in my belly and there's been absolutely no funny toilet business. I also lost 3kgs. It's a real catalyst for me to eat well again for at least another several months now.
So why do I detox? I'm a huge fan of a yearly detox because it sets the tone for months of good eating right after. I usually opt for the "won't name" detox but I always feel annoyed because there is always something wrong with one of their orders e.g. added fish when I've specified vegan, left things out of the bag etc. So I wanted to give Urban Remedy a go after seeing a bag in the fridge at work. I drank six juices each day. They were nutritionally sound and absolutely delish. Now that I've completed it and didn't once cheat, I'd definitely do the Urban Remedy Cleanse again. The customer service is 100% and they send helpful emails along the way every single day, even before and after. I felt looked after and inspired which I think is really important with this kind of service. It's not just about the body but the mind too.
Now to the yoga dysmorphia. At least that's what my partner is calling it. I'm in a real funk with my asana practice. I feel weak while doing asana (well before detoxing which I thought might help with this) and today I had to hold back the tears because I just couldn't do what I know my body can do and is working towards with my practice. I'm still feeling teary about it. I don't know what's going on and I've made up all kinds of excuses to the point where I've hurt myself during practice. I'm certainly holding on to some kind of crazy thinking and I feel like I'm in a dark place with it all.
One of my wonderful teachers, MB, gave me a lift home after class and fortunately I got a chance to chat about it. MB used the analogy of the onion. As we start peeling away the layers to find the centre of all that is stable, all kinds of things are going to start to really challenge us. That's when we need to do asana more than ever, so I need to stick with it. I was honest with him, if I didn't sign up for the unlimited pass for 3 months at the studio, I wouldn't be going to classes or doing my home practice right now. Can you believe that? I could honestly say that I would give it up? Anyone who knows me, knows how much yoga has helped me and others around me so I'm not that far in the dark to realise how crazy this talk is. Urgh. So I will take it as the challenge that it is and this week will incorporate more meditation into my practice and find my breath again.
One of my wonderful teachers, MB, gave me a lift home after class and fortunately I got a chance to chat about it. MB used the analogy of the onion. As we start peeling away the layers to find the centre of all that is stable, all kinds of things are going to start to really challenge us. That's when we need to do asana more than ever, so I need to stick with it. I was honest with him, if I didn't sign up for the unlimited pass for 3 months at the studio, I wouldn't be going to classes or doing my home practice right now. Can you believe that? I could honestly say that I would give it up? Anyone who knows me, knows how much yoga has helped me and others around me so I'm not that far in the dark to realise how crazy this talk is. Urgh. So I will take it as the challenge that it is and this week will incorporate more meditation into my practice and find my breath again.
Hearing Gabriel by Lamb is what nearly made me completely lose it in class today. I had to lay down in supta baddha konasana and put a towel over my head while everyone was doing backbends or I was seriously going to bawl my eyes out. Music is such a huge part of my life and it's the one thing I turn to. It's always there to help me put things in perspective...and sometimes not. It's kind of appropriate that I need to let go of something. It's like I need something outside of myself to hold me together but really it is inside of me. Maybe that means the yoga?
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel
~ Lamb, Gabriel
6 comments:
The only truth in our practice is what's going on in any given moment.
So, if there's something you can't do today when you could do it yesterday, that isn't a failure. You're not sliding backwards or anything of the sort.
Instead, it's where your body and mind are at. And the best thing you can do for yourself in those times is be okay with where you're at.
Possibly, that's one of the hardest things to do. But that's also where yoga helps us once again because... the reality shows us our (imagined) limitations. They aren't necessarily real, but right in that moment, they are.
I've had to learn that in dealing with my ongoing shoulder injury. It's changed my practice because there are things I can't do now that were so easy before. I know it won't be like that forever, but for now there's very little I can do about it unless I want to hurt myself more than I am already hurt.
Yoga isn't a linear path, and I'm sure you know that. It's not like "levelling up" on some video game - and I agree with your teacher about the onion theory. Just because things are becoming clearer to us (in some ways) doesn't mean everything stays the same.
Sometimes things have to fall apart (even our practice) in order to continue. Take it easy on yourself!
Hello Svasti, I miss your twitter updates! I might grovel back over to twitter when I have a little more time. Thank you so much for your comment. I really respect what you have to say.
I do need to bring myself back to this moment right now. Not worry about the past or the future and be at peace with where I'm at. Another catalyst for me going a little AWOL with my practice is that I've just finished reading How Yoga Works. It's such a brilliant book and inspiring but I found it challenging as well with the idea of all these seeds we plant. It really struck something deep inside of me. I started thinking about things I'm not proud of and then started to think that maybe I'm only fooling myself. There's so much more going on in my head that I haven't put in this post but I'm still processing it all. It's the thinking I know that is effecting my asana practice and I'm only just starting to realise how powerful that can be.
I think you're right too, when things fall apart and unravel, only then can we continue. I'm just going through the process and surprised by being so upset. Last night while I was lying in bed, I was thinking about when David Life was in Sydney and he said something along the lines of intellectualising yoga. We don't need to. Just do your asana and the answers will be there. Only sometimes we don't want "those" answers but we need to be faced with them.
"...and to find my breath again." So perfect! and always a practice.
I'm not a big Astanga Vinyasa fangirl anymore as you know but Guruji's words will always stay with me.
"Practice and all will come"
It doesn't matter what that practice is, or how long it takes, but everything will fall into place.
Mary, I went through something similar when I didn't get on my mat for weeks during my teacher training. It was towards the end of the second year and I just felt that the end would never come - I was yoga'd out! But then I stopped thinking about it and just practiced regardless - regardless of the times it made me cry with frustration.
Have you read Stephen Cope's book "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self"? In that he talks about a long period of time when he was at Kripalu and his afternoon nap became his yoga practice. He didn't think about it, he just did what his body needed.
Practice and all will come.
Much love xx
Wow Mary - Glad to read your review on Urban Remedy. I'm thinking I might do it before the end of the year. 3kg is amazing and clear skin and a sharp mind - yes please! I like a detox too and haven't done one in over a year I'd say.
*hugs* with the yoga. I bought 'how yoga works' but don't feel ready to read it just yet. I'm really glad you have signed up for the unlimited pass too. I reckon if I wrote a post like this, you would tell me this is the time that you really need to go to class' - You're a legend like that.
Hope you are able to let go of whatever it is soon mate.
We should do coffee sometime soon...I'd love to see you xx
i understand this so well. i'm famous, er, infamous for hurting myself during yoga. well, only my boyfriend knows, but it's definitely a problem. i hear my body saying "stop there. this is a good place to relax. no more, okay?" and i don't listen. i trample right over that voice.
while i don't have any ingenious advice, i can say that kundalini kriyas have helped me be in the moment and enjoy my body rather than push it. perhaps it's the focus on sensation, rather than how far you go, that really helps.
much love to you, my dear. i'm right here with you!
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